Funeral planning checklist

§1The wishes

• Burial, cremation, or something else, stated plainly
• Where: a cemetery, a family plot, or what should happen to the ashes
• The kind of service, if any: religious or not, large or small, or none at all
• Where it should be held, and who should lead it
• Who should speak or read, and whether they have been asked
• Music, readings and flowers, or none of them
• Clothing and jewelry, and anything else that should go with them
• A viewing or not, and an open or closed casket
• Who should be there, and anyone who should not be
• Organ or body donation, and where the registration or paperwork is
• Military honors, if that applies

Write the decision, not the reasoning. One plain sentence saying which settles more on the day than anything else on this page.

§2What is already arranged

• Any funeral plan already paid for: the provider, and where the contract is
• Any cemetery plot, niche or headstone already owned, and where the deed is
• Any burial or final expense policy, and the company that holds it
• Any arrangement already made with a church, temple, lodge or union, and who to speak to there
• Military service, if any, and where the discharge papers are kept

A plan nobody can find does not get used. Write the company’s name and where the contract is, so the first call goes to the right place.

§3Who to call

• The person you would want to make the arrangements, and whether they know it
• Family and friends to tell first, and how to reach each of them
• Anyone who should hear it from a person rather than from a notice
• A faith leader or celebrant, if there is one
• A funeral home you would prefer, if you have one
• An employer, a club or a group that should hear it directly

Numbers change, and address books live on locked phones. The name, the way to reach them, and the order you would want is enough.

§4Paying for it

• How you would want it paid for, and from which account or policy
• A budget you would be comfortable with, written down
• Who may need to pay at first, and how they would be paid back
• Any help toward the cost already looked into, and who it would come from

A budget written on an ordinary day spares a decision made in a hurry on a hard one.

§5Details to have to hand

• Full legal name, and any other name used
• Date and place of birth
• Where the Social Security card is kept
• Parents’ names, including a mother’s maiden name
• Marital status, and a spouse’s name
• The home address
• Usual occupation, and the last employer
• The highest level of schooling reached

These are the details a family finds itself guessing at. Write where a card is kept, never the number on it.

§6The notice

• Whether there should be an obituary or death notice, and where it should appear
• A photograph you would be content to have used
• What should be said, and anything that should not be
• Who should write it, or be asked to
• A charity or cause, if gifts in memory are preferred to flowers

The notice gets written quickly, by someone who is tired. A chosen photograph and a few lines left behind are most of it.

§7The written price list, and asking for prices by phone

§8Packages and separate items, and a casket or urn bought somewhere else

§9Embalming, a casket for cremation, and the alternative container

§10Who the Funeral Rule does not cover

§11Related pages